How Successful Is Your Relationship With Your Partner?
Are you able to communicate authentically?
Imagine experiencing exponential growth and love, bringing out the best in both of you!
Relationships come in a variety of forms. We have relationships with our parents, siblings, friends, partners, work colleagues, not to mention numerous casual relationships. What about the relationship with yourself? Often this is a forgotten relationship because we don’t see it as a relationship.
We do have a relationship with ourselves we have the conversations in our head, and we kind of beat ourselves up when we fail or come up short to our expectations and feel elated when we win. How many times has a decision arisen and you have gone nah or yip. If you observe yourself there would have been a bit of dialog in your head before making the decision.
Now just take a moment to think of how you interact with others when you are not happy with yourself, and then observe how you interact with people when you are happy with yourself. As you will see, the place you are coming from determines how you interact with others. Don’t get me wrong, there are some of you that can mask what is going on inside and put on the happy face, I mean would you ever want others to know what’s really going on inside?
Let us take a closer look at our different relationships.
Firstly the relationship we have with ourselves this is very private, the discussion we have goes on in our heads and the judgements and decisions we make are as a result of the past. We have great experience of the past and virtually nothing of the future so our decisions are made looking backwards.
Then we have our parents, whether they are biological or paternal these are our primary male and female role models. Most of our decisions about life, and ourselves are made in our early years, usually before age 6 and so with this in mind notice that they were made as a child. These decisions we have about ourselves are what are referred to as “limiting beliefs”, and have a huge effect on the way in which we interact with the world. If for example your “limiting belief” is that you can’t win, how many times will you want to try new things? If your limiting belief is that you are not loved then will you ever feel loved no matter how hard your partner tries? This is the importance of healing the inner you by eliminating the power your limiting belief has over you and adopting a new one that will serve you.
To demonstrate how a “limiting belief “ can happen I will relate a story a friend told me about his son. One day my friend let’s call him Tim, so Tim and his wife were taking the son and dog for a walk, their son was in a push chair and Tim was pushing, so as they walked along the road it took a dip Tim winked at his wife to watch the push chair and Tim ran in front a few paces and let the push chair come to him and he stopped it. All fun and nothing more was said or thought.
Fast forward to Tim and his son talking about their strained relationship and Tim’s son said “you don’t love me dad that day in the push chair you endangered my life so you can’t love me” this could not be further from the truth. After talking it through the son could see how he had made that decision as a very young child and had taken this into the relationship with his father. Understanding how we come to these decisions can help us move on so we can have the relationship with our parents we all deserve.
The relationship you have with your partner can also be affected by the relationship you have with your parents as your primary male relationship is with your father and the same goes for your mother. If either of these relationships are incomplete or unhealed, how do you expect to have a great relation with your partner? Once completing and healing the relationship with both your parents, the relationship with others will be affected in a positive way.
All of this is covered in our Back to Basics workshop and Relationship Coaching sessions.
What is forgiveness?
Who is forgivingness for?
What’s the point of forgiving someone?
What’s the power in forgiving?
Let’s take a look at what is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, let’s go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, forswears recompense from or punishment of the offender, however legally or morally justified it might be, and with an increased ability to wish the offender well.
Forgiveness is different from condoning (failing to see the action as wrong and in need of forgiveness), excusing (not holding the offender as responsible for the action), forgetting (removing awareness of the offense from consciousness), pardoning (granted for an acknowledged offense by a representative of society, such as a judge), and reconciliation (restoration of a relationship).
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness. ~ Wikipedia.
As you can see by the description forgiveness is for the victim. The act of forgiving will allow a victim to move on in their life. Nothing changes as far as the event, but the power or hold the event has on the victim will be gone. Let’s take a situation where a person has been abused by someone. The victim will carry this with them wherever they go even if the perpetrator moves on and out of their life. Whilst the victim holds onto this abuse the perpetrator, even though no longer in contact with the victim has a hold over them. Once the victim forgives, the power the perpetrator had over them will disappear and the victim is now fully accountable for their life and so they can decide how they will behave.
There is great power in forgiveness it can heal relationships.
You may be thinking how do I forgive someone and how long does it take. In reality seconds, once you have made the choice to forgive someone it is done, this can heal relationships where partners have been unfaithful or abusive and I have had cases where the wrongdoer is no longer alive and is still having impact on their victim’s life.
This is covered in the Back to Basics workshop and also in the coaching sessions.